Interview with Kathy Noll, coauthor of Taking the Bully by the Horns

By Janie Bowman

Please share some background on why your book was written and the response
you've gotten.

My book,Taking the Bully by the Horns is the children's version of Dr. Jay Carter's best-selling book, Nasty People. Dr. Carter asked me to write this book because he had liked my short stories I wrote for children. There is also a great need for information on bullies now as a lot of children are having problems. I know this because I receive a lot of mail asking for help. Those who have shared my book with their children or students tell me the children feel stronger after reading my book. They also understand bullying behavior better, and have improved their self-esteem.

Has bully behavior increased or decreased during the past ten years?

Based on the statistics I've been studying, it has increased. A few years ago we had a chain of school shootings and bomb threats which resulted in "copy cat" behavior. However, some good may have come out of it as, recently, many schools have become involved with "anti-bullying" campaigns and "no tolerance" policies. With programs
such as these, and books such as my own available, I'm hoping by this time next year I will be able to tell you that both school crime and bullying behavior have decreased.

Some schools have taken the "Zero-Tolerance" to the extreme and have suspended or disciplined children for things that we normally don't consider threatening. Students and families lose faith in the system when this happens. Why would schools exhibit such a knee-jerk reaction and what can parents do when this happens?

They do this because they're scared (increased violence - shootings). It's hard to know who the real perpetrators are so they feel this is their way of increasing security.

If a child is knocked up against the wall by a bully and the child pushes the bully away, a teacher may walk in on the last part of it and only see the "shoving," which may be no tolerance (for example). The victim gets in trouble. It's not fair. I believe they have good intentions of protecting everyone, but if a child is reprimanded wrongly the parents should speak to the school about it and explain their case.

What are the three most important things parents should do to help their children cope with bullies?

First, allow your children to confide in you and listen with an open mind. The victims must first admit on their own that there is a problem.

Second, parents should ask if they should get involved or if the victim would rather handle it themselves. Parents can work with role-playing and improving social skills, and give their children advice on how to handle it themselves. This will help increase their child's self-esteem.

Third, if the bullying is physically dangerous or the victims want the parents to get involved, the parents should make sure both the school and the parents of the bullies are notified of the situation. They can also provide a safe means of transport to and from school or suggest their child walk in a group, never alone.

The major reason bullies act the way they do is.... ?

They really have a low self-esteem. They may look high and mighty but that is arrogance. Don't mistake arrogance for a high self-esteem. If someone truly has a good self-esteem they would not feel the need to control others.

How should we respond to a parent who justifies her child's bullying behavior by saying the other child started it first?

In my book, Taking the Bully by the Horns, we call this the "bully cycle." Bullies create more bullies. This is no good. The cycle needs to stop somewhere. If the child has tried confronting the bully or talking out the situation peacefully to no avail and needs to defend himself/herself, that is a different story. But if we're talking about teasing, tell your child, "You don't need to listen to that. You're better than that. Just walk away."

In your opinion, what is the most important thing schools can do to stop bullying behavior among students?

Be aware of conflicts and not be afraid to get involved. Start your own "peace" programs. One example would be students in Hillsboro High School in Nashville, Tennessee, who created the "I will pledge" and urged fellow students to sign the pledge to not to mock or bully others who dress, act, look, or talk differently.

What can teachers do when their administration looks the other way and ignores bullying behavior?

Bring it to everyone's attention: the parents and other teachers, at PTAs/PTOs, the school board, the superintendent. The teacher can get involved in his or her own way and make it known to students that bullying will not be tolerated. They can also contact the bully's parents.

Generally, how does law enforcement react to bullies?

Wow, can this vary! Some will keep an eye out and be very helpful. While others, (and I recently received a letter about this from an unhappy mother), will simply suggest you put your child into another school!

In spite of many constructive attempts to address the problem, the bully perseveres. When should parents take more drastic steps, like calling the police and filing a complaint?

If there is the threat of physical injury or if the school refuses to get involved, a police report should definitely be filed.

I remember being bullied in elementary school by a classmate named Connie. She was going to beat me to a pulp and carried the armory to do so. My mother talked with both of us and cooled the situation. Did anything similar happen to you? How did you handle it?

I never had any physical threats but dealt with verbal teasing. I think everyone has been bullied to some degree. I never told my mother, but some boys on my bus use to make fun of my fur hat every day! They called me "buffer top." Made me want to cry. I gradually realized they weren't so great themselves and did NOT have the power over me to MAKE me react.

I would say to ignore it. Bullies feel the need to "control." They want to get a reaction out of you. If they don't get this, it won't be any fun for them and they'll become bored and move on.

Is there another book on the horizon for you?

I haven't had time as I'm always busy marketing this one and helping people on an individual basis (besides doing interviews and chats). But I would love to write more books that children could benefit from. Thanks :)

Off topic, but fun... If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

I always wanted to go to Africa. I love animals and nature and I know I'd feel really close to both there. :)